This post is that person in sacrament meeting who gets up and tells the entire congregation that they aren't sure what they are going to say, but they felt like they needed to get up and say something.
{I'm not judging. I am usually that person.}
So here we are, lovely friends who clicked on the link and are now reading this currently directionless blog post. Let's see where we can go with this "nothingness."
In the last 10 days, I have found that life is very very funny. {I knew this before, but the last 10 days have really made it apparent.} Maybe it's just because I'm a girl and my emotions can change in a matter of seconds, but I do think that figurative curveballs are thrown into our paths to help us learn to just chill sometimes.
So Here's my life's story, I guess. {or just the last ten days of it}
Elder Russon's hump day was last Thursday. {Halleleujah!} It was a good day, it really was. I can't believe he is halfway done with this adventure and that he'll be back in America next year at this time. It's so exciting and scary and the future is so unknown, but in an exciting way. {I digress....} Anyway, Thursday night I was just really full of gratitude as I was walking to my car after my evening class, and I just felt the need to drive up to the Provo temple and sit in my car and pour out my guts to my Heavenly Father and just let him know how thankful I am that everything that has happened in the last year has happened and how grateful I am for every aspect of life. So I did, and saw the most beautiful moon rise behind the temple with the majestic silhouette of Squaw Peak in the background. I don't know why, but I always take beautiful landscapes as a gesture of love from my Heavenly Father, and it was a really happy moment for me. I was feeling confident and peaceful and very loved and grateful.
Fast forward to Saturday.
I won't bore you with all of the monotonous details, but there was an unfortunate series of events that led to what was perhaps the most massive meltdown of the last 12 months. I once again found myself in my usual parking spot in front of the Provo Temple. {It has become my "Holy Place," to reference the mutual theme from my junior year of high school.} I found myself praying and crying and telling my Heavenly Father that I just wanted my best friend back again to tell me that everything was going to be ok, to give me perspective like only he could. After I had my little rant, I calmed down and just sat for a few minutes until I remembered that I have developed a much better relationship with a new best friend since Ethan left. A best friend who truly does understand absolutely everything I have been through -- someone who has been the only person in my life during the last year to be with me no matter what the circumstances -- the Savior. Peace and perspective filled me. I remembered that I really am truly grateful that Ethan is in Ecuador teaching people and bringing people unto the Savior -- someone who has meant so much to me. I have missed him like crazy, but his mission is certainly not about me and I guess it's not about him either. It's about the people he's teaching and the Savior.
So that 72 hour total change of heart/return to normal, non-psychotic Emily happened.
There's also been this terrible sense of "i'm doing nothing with my life except gaining an education while all of my friends see the world and do cool things and college is obviously inferior thinking", which I know is completely wrong, but hey, Provo isn't Europe or Asia or South America, ok? {I know I have lots of problems. I've accepted this, you should too. Let's move on.} I've tried to make volunteer teaching abroad and study abroads work. I have explored every program and somehow, things have always fallen through.
On Wednesday, there was a special presentation in my journalism class given about an opportunity to be part of a special program, replacing part of the traditional BYU journalism program sequence. A blog post about all of this is forthcoming, so I won't write all about that yet, but it's exactly what I have been looking for. I did research and planning on Thursday and finalized everything on Friday. I'm truly amazed at how easily and quickly everything has come together. This is an opportunity that will really push me out of my comfort zone and I really believe that if I hadn't first considered moving to a foreign country and teaching children who don't speak my language, I wouldn't have even given this program a second thought. I'm amazed at how the Lord has been preparing me to take advantage of this opportunity. It has, at times, been disappointing to watch so many plans fall through {and if you know me, I am a planner}, but in the long run this will be better. It will cut my time at BYU down by a semester and open up opportunities down the road.
So I guess my "theme" of this post is that Heavenly Father answers prayers. Through Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, we find can find answers and peace. Our perspectives can be renewed and plans can fall into place the way they are supposed to, if we will just have faith and patience. Trials strengthen us, change our perspectives, and allow us to draw closer to him. The struggle is always worth the triumph.
