As a member of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have always been told that I am part
of the greatest generation to live upon the Earth. I have been taught
that God reserved his strongest souls to come to Earth at a time when
the battle against evil is more critical than ever. I have been
taught that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me and
that I alone would have been enough reason for the Savior's
atonement. I know that my soul is great in the eyes of God.
These valuable lessons of self-worth
have helped me stay afloat amid the media's degrading portrayal of
women. They have taught me that I don't need to be a cover model to
be beautiful or a powerful CEO to be full of worth. They have helped
me realize my potential and given me strength through life's toughest
battles.
The Church puts great faith in their
youth. Last year's missionary age change from 19 to 18 is significant
for a few reasons. First, the world accepts reckless, party-like
behavior from 18 year-olds. They make excuses for their poor behavior
with weak and worldly justifications like "YOLO". The Church expects a little more from its 18 year-olds. A
structured schedule, limited amounts of social media, and teaching
and baptizing people around the world demand much from our young
adults. Missionary work is taxing and expecting it out of young
people effectively does two things – gives them an ideal setting
for “growing up” and empowers them through the knowledge that
their Heavenly Father has faith that they are capable of such
important tasks.
I have watched my peers respond to the
call for missionaries. I have seen young men and women, my age,
change their lives to be able to serve the Lord. I have watched their
confidence grow as they have taught and baptized people from around
the world. Knowing they are trusted has changed their lives and the
lives around them.
Between the ages of 12 and 18, I found
three kinds of leaders who changed my life. They were not perfect and
it was not because they were a great example that they affected me so
deeply. I was able to learn from their mistakes.
1)The first kind of leader was one who
didn't allow room for mistakes. She didn't vocalize her expectations
and when you didn't achieve those expectations (big surprise) you
were punished. She yelled at you before you made a mistake and
disciplined through verbal abuse and public humiliation – two forms
of punishment that don't result in a learning experience. She didn't
give you a choice between right and wrong, she simply forced you to
choose the right.
What I learned from her: I need the
chance to decide for myself whether or not I am going to choose the
right. That way, I will take responsibility for my choices and be
much more willing to accept the consequences. First, however, I need
to know what is expected of me so that I am able to prepare to meet
those expectations.
How this relates to the
gospel: We have all been given agency. Every day we are able to learn
from our mistakes. Our Heavenly Father has made his expectations clear
– we have been blessed with a set of standards to live by. We are
free to choose whether or not we follow them, however, the
consequences of those choices are not in our power. Agency was
important enough to cause a great war in heaven-- it should not be
taken from any of God's children.
2)The second leader was very different.
She allowed me to take on the responsibilities of an adult and assigned me small jobs that none of the adults wanted to take care of. It built up rather quickly and it became apparent that I was picking up a significant amount of slack from the rest of the group. I was happy to take on the jobs, and completed each to the best of my ability. Everything was going great.
The problem, however, arose when I took
action during a situation that she was unaware of. I didn't make any huge decisions or go behind her back in any way, I simply knew more
of the background of the situation and dealt with it in a way I felt was right.
When I took initiative as an adult, she
shut me down. She told me that I had betrayed her trust and began to
treat me as a child. To this day, I feel justified in my
actions and I don't feel any remorse for what I did because I don't
feel it was wrong. I am glad I was there to take care of the
situation at hand.
What I learned: If you are going to
give a teenager the responsibility of an adult, don't freak out when
they take adult initiative and do things they feel right about. It
sends mixed signals and causes the teenager to question themselves
and their ability to discern right from wrong.
I also learned that adults are very
susceptible to pride. Egos can get in the way of compassion,
embarrassment can cause ill-treatment of others, and a fear of being
wrong prohibits apology.
How this relates to the gospel: With
great privilege comes great responsibility, but I think the opposite
applies. Great responsibility warrants privileges to take adult
initiative and act as you see fit. Our Heavenly Father gives us what
we can handle, and with the great responsibilities, we gain great
privileges. The responsibility of keeping baptismal covenants is
accompanied by the privilege of always having the spirit to be with
us. Keeping the commandments always warrants blessings. He never
expects a responsibility without a privilege.
3)The third type of leader I had was one
who loved, encouraged, and served as a great motivator. Someone who
told you how strong, talented, and capable you were of accomplishing
your dreams. They had your trust and you had theirs-- until the
moment of decision came. They made you second guess your decision,
not necessarily in a healthy “are you sure” kind of way, but in a
way that they give you all of those reasons that aren't actually
reasons, such as “but you're so young” or “are you sure you
have prayed about this enough?” It is these moments of doubt that
can completely obliterate a young adult's confidence.
What I learned: If you say you trust me
and act like you trust me, then I need you to trust me when the
important moments come along. It is through you that I have developed
my confidence. It is because I am doing the things you have taught me
to do that these opportunities have presented themselves. When you
question me, it forces me to doubt my foundation and worries me
because I feel like I am doing the right thing. I am praying, reading
my scriptures, and allowing myself to be worthy of the spirit.
Decisions are hard enough without those closest to me second guessing
my carefully considered and spiritually inspired decisions.
How this relates to the gospel: We are
all entitled to personal revelation. Children progress from primary
to Mutual, and then they become adults. At any age, an individual is entitled to receive guidance from their Heavenly Father. No one is perfect at
receiving revelation but if they are remaining worthy of the spirit
they are in a good place to receive it. God has a plan for each of us
and no one has a right to tell another person what that plan is. The
quiet whispers of the Holy Ghost come to each person individually. If
I am making a decision that is in line with the principles of the
gospel and I have carefully prayed and fasted about that decision, then you have no right to make me question it.
This is my plea:
To those who work closely with and have
great influence upon youth and young adults, be mindful of your
actions. Your calling is to lead, not drag, to love, not condemn, and
to serve with compassion, and not ambition. The youth are watching
you and learning from you, whether for good or for bad. It is your
example that shapes the next generation.
Hold them responsible for their
actions, but treat them with respect. They are more capable than you
think they are. God has entrusted his greatest generation in your
hands and you can either help them or hinder them. Love them, serve
them, and most importantly, trust them.
In one situation, I found great
strength in a leader who didn't know me, yet assumed the best of me.
She defended me in a situation where she herself could have been
ridiculed or punished. She was willing to put herself on the line in
order to let me know that she thought that I (and my actions) were
worth defending. She touched me deeply and gave me a strong example
of the kind of leader I would like to be.
I want to make it clear that I had many
leaders throughout my mutual years, most of whom were amazing men and
women who had a powerful positive influence on me and whose examples
have helped shaped me during this critical time in my life. I am
grateful for their hand in my life and that my
Heavenly Father placed them into my path.
It is my hope that young adults will
be able to enter this scary world with confidence instilled in them
by leaders who have shown them love, compassion, and trust. There is
nothing more empowering than being trusted by someone you admire and
respect. In a world where the adversary places so much emphasis on
discouraging youth, what they need most is empowerment. The Lord can
then work mighty miracles through them and change the world, one soul
at a time.
The world is changing, the Church is
changing, and the youth are changing. Trust them like their Father in
Heaven trusts them.
